20 Things Only Real Campers Will Understand

People camping in a forest

If you’re an avid camper, then you’ll be very familiar with everything good, bad and ugly that comes with such a pastime. The good stuff is what keeps us coming back year after year, and even the not-so-good stuff isn't that terrible. But it's these little quirks that make it a world away from staying in a luxury hotel.

Read more: 15 Things Only Hikers & Walkers Will Understand

Here are 20 things all real campers will understand - and if you’re going camping for the first time, will know all too well very soon!

Someone will trip over your guy ropes

It doesn’t matter whether you have high vis guy ropes or attach aircraft landing lights to them, someone will trip over them. Prime candidates are your children (several times) and someone (you) coming back from the toilet in the middle of the night. Multiply this by a million for music festivals - you might as well not even put them up.

Campfire smoke is out to get you

As a wise man once said, there are three certainties in life - death, taxes, and that wherever you sit around a campfire, the smoke will seek you out. No matter where you move to, it will find you as if it has some kind of personal vendetta.

The dread of finding something’s broken / you’ve forgotten something

Everyone’s happy and ready to set up the tent. Hurrah! Then you realise one of the poles is broken or you’ve forgotten the tent pegs. Then it’s time to go all Ray Mears and try and fix it using twigs, leaves or whatever else you can find. Always makes sure you have some tent spares and repairs with you.

Read more: The Importance Of Checking Your Tent Before Your Camp

Man playing a guitar sat around a campfire

Someone around a campfire will always have a guitar

No matter where you are in the world, if there’s a campfire, someone will have a guitar. They might be a backpacker with barely any belongings, yet they’ll still have a guitar and will be able to play an Oasis song.

You will forget something - & only remember when you really need it

You can have the most detailed and stringent checklist of camping gear ever created, but you'll still forget something, and then only remember when you absolutely need it the most. Let's just hope it's not your tent poles or pegs. Or tent.

Wearing so many clothes at night you look like the Michelin Man

Camping can get pretty chilly at night, so at some point it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll try to fit on as many layers of clothing as possible, plus hat, gloves, socks, etc. It’s not very comfy and walking around is basically impossible (not to mention going to the toilet), but you don’t care as long as you’re warm.

Toasting marshmallows never looks like it does in the pictures

You know those mouthwatering pictures of marshmallows toasting on a campfire? It never quite turns out that way, does it? You aim for that lovely golden brown colour and invariably end up cremating them, before half of it ends up stuck on the stick anyway.

Everything tastes better when cooked on a campfire

Campfire food is one of the best things about camping. Just make sure it’s not burnt on the outside and raw in the middle or your camping trip will be cut short by food poisoning.

Campfire food

Kids moaning about not having Wi-fi / phone signal

Unless you’re in the 0.1% who don’t have children glued to a mobile phone or tablet, you’re going to get constant earache about them not having wi-fi or phone signal. Any signal they do have will be used Snapchatting their friends about how much they hate you for making them go on a hike.

On your feet lose your seat

If you don’t have enough camping chairs for everyone, then don’t even think about standing up for more than a few seconds, or you’ll be relegated to the floor. Sorry, them’s the rules.

A flat pitch is never really a flat pitch

Your pitch may look lovely and level, but you’ll soon realise that it’s anything but flat. You’ll usually work this out in the morning when your face is pressed up against the side of the tent and the blood has rushed to your head.

Needing a degree to get the tent back in the bag

This is the part where you think to yourself 'how on earth do I get this HUGE tent back into that tiny bag?!' We're sure that tent bags must have some kind of Tardis-like technology.

Needing a PhD to get the sleeping bag back in its bag

No rage is quite as pure as the rage you feel when you’re trying to get your sleeping bag back in its bag for the fifteenth time. And then your other half or smug child who goes to Scouts does it first time.

Hygiene standards deteriorate very quickly

You start off trying to keep everything nice and clean, including yourselves, and within about half an hour all that goes out the window and you realise it’s much easier to just accept the fact you’re going to be a bit grubby for a few days.

Packing up in the rain is the worst

So not only is your trip over and it’s time to go home, you’re having to squeeze the tent into the bag in the pouring rain. You’re wet, the tent’s wet, and it’s generally not a fun time. You then have to dry and air the tent out when you get home. And then pack it away again. Thanks rain.

Person inside tent raining outside

The sound of rain on a tent is oddly soothing

You’re inside the tent and the nasty weather is outside - there’s something cozy about that, and the sound of rain on tent canvas is one of the best sounds there is. Unless it’s really throwing it down, of course, and then it can get a little noisy!

Tent campers think glamping is cheating

Traditional tent campers are all about getting back to nature, and part of the enjoyment is ridding themselves of the trappings of normal life. Which of course means that glampers aren’t doing it properly. Or they’re a little jealous of glampers sleeping in a real bed every night.

The dry grass illusion

It hasn't rained for six weeks and you're 110% the grass is dry, so you forego the camping chairs and decide to sit on the grass. It's guaranteed that, for some inexplicable reason, within 10 minutes your backside is soaking wet.

Weighing up whether you really need the toilet at night

The battle between a full bladder and having to get out of your sleeping bag and venture out in the dark and cold to go to the loo. And we all know that your bladder usually wins.

Campsite beer is the best beer

Beer at home is fine, but nothing tastes quite as good as a beer around the campfire.

Have we missed anything out? Let us know in the comments or on Facebook & Twitter.

5 Comments

  1. dave partridge
    dave partridge
    You have forgotten the annoying fact that, as much as you re- inflate your airbed every night, it always goes flat again during the night, especially if it is a little cooler during snooze time !!
    Reply
    1. This is spot on Dave!

      My other half and I once had a double air bed in which you had to inflate each side separately. We didn't realise until the first morning that my side had a puncture so I ended up sleeping on the floor while she was nice and comfy!
      Reply
  2. Stef
    Yes, just yes! All of the above
    Reply
  3. Della Anderson
    Della Anderson
    You forgot to mention the biting wee beasties - midges that descend on you as it begins to get cooler
    Reply
  4. Jeremy Snelling
    Jeremy Snelling
    Would you leave your house in the early hours of the morning in your pyjamas and walk 300m with a loo roll under your arm?
    Reply
Leave a Reply